You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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