Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
