i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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