you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
