I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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