i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
