How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
