The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've blown a few things in my day
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
