I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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