And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
