the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize