oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You are the jesus of drinking
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
