You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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