my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
