the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
