I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize