Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
BRING THE BAGELS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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