1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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