Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
