My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize