there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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