Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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