I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
