Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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