So gin and wine won't be happening again
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
