we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
