the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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