If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
