So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
