I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
