Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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