I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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