You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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