he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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