From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
