Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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