All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
