oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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