You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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