Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
