What a fucking waste of an outfit
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize