Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
