she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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