Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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