No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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