The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
