Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
