dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
