explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
