One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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