That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
