I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize