Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This baby is an asshole
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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