you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
