he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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