Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
