I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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