i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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