Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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