I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
