Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize