right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
