we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
