You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
