I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
