that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
