i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
