what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dicks are not precious.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
