I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
