You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
