i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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