So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
