Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.