I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
