Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.