Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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