what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I will pee on everything he values.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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