Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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