guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
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The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
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I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.