good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.