i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.