dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.