He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING