Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize