I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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