I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
